#55: I got a job, I met a guy

Hi again!

I missed you for a newsletter. I got COVID pretty bad and it took me another week or two to start feeling like myself. Still have a sore throat and cough 3 weeks later! Wild.

Anyway, much more interesting things have been happening.

Earlier this summer I wrote about the season of yes - how it feels like this is the year that things have finally started moving. People getting married, pregnant, breaking up, starting new businesses, finding new jobs - things are happening again!

It feels like I’m stepping into it too.

A couple of months ago, a friend from university DMed me to ask if I still did any acting work. He was running a startup and wanted to shoot some video content, and wanted me to be the one starring in it. I said, Be in front of a camera?? Why yes, of course!

A few months passed and the shoot didn’t materialize. I know how startups are and how film is, so I didn’t think much of it. Probably things had gotten busy or priorities had shifted.

When I heard back, they had been busy - so busy they needed help keeping up with all the business growth! We went out for dinner and my friend pitched me on the idea of coming onboard to lead the branding, storytelling, and everything that had to do with bringing Sticky Cards out into the world.

So here I am, writing from a hotel room in Vancouver at the end of a 3-day work trip, a few hours away from heading back home to Toronto.

I’m still working with coaching clients and it’s been a lot of fun and very busy to try and stay on top of everything. I’ve also booked a few (paid!) photoshoots as a model?? Without an agent, just through acquaintances??

I had three pipe dreams this summer. I wanted to…

1. Work at a fun, young startup that was growing quickly and doing cool things.

2. Work as a coach, but have all my clients be inbound.

3. Do some more acting work, but without having to audition.

And I think that’s all of them coming true, in ways I didn’t believe were possible. So work has been all around interesting and very alive.

*

I’ve gone on a few great dates with a guy I like more and more each time I see him! And. Listen. It’s been just a few weeks. Anything can (and HAS) happened. We’re still getting to know each other.

But whatever happens, it’s been really nice to get to know someone who I’m so inspired by. He’s fearless, caring, thoughtful, optimistic, smart, funny, handsome, affectionate, deeply kind… and he’s all of these things at a 10/10 level.

It reminds me that it’s possible to date someone and have it feel easy and natural.

I think when you’re in the personal development world (or are someone who likes to take as much ownership as possible over their life), there’s a trap you can fall into with dating. Where after months or years of not meeting people you like, you wonder if maybe it’s because you:

• have an anxious attachment style and it’s hard to deal with

• have unrealistic expectations of how your partner should treat you

• need to give them more of a chance, because you’re too judgemental

• are too sensitive

• struggle to express how you’re feeling

• etc. into infinity

And you monitor those things and try and modify them and second-guess every decision you make because you know how flawed you are and how much better you could (and maybe should) be. And that unflawed place is where you want to be operating from.

What I’ve found interesting to explore is - what if you trusted yourself? What if you trusted that you felt anxious because something was off? What if your expectations of how your partner should treat you are perfectly reasonable? What if your judgements are spot on?

(And if the experiment above doesn’t feel right to you - what if you trusted that? What if you really loved how much you strive to understand yourself, grow, and take accountability? What would it feel like if that was an amazing part of who you are, instead of something you use to punish yourself?)

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I ended up seeing an EMDR therapist for a couple of sessions. Honestly, I didn’t love him and the sessions felt frustrating and boring. I guess we “worked through” the blocker I brought, but it feels like that mostly went away because my work situation changed.

I don’t say that intending to discourage anyone from trying it! And it’s very possible the frustration, anger, and boredom were part of the process. I just expected something very different, and if I tried again it would be with another therapist.

*

I’ll see you in two weeks! Going to spend the last few hours in Vancouver watching birds begin their migration.

✨

Warmly yours,

Nina