Hi, I'm Nina Iordanova and this is the 45th edition of Something Good, a newsletter filtered through my 🧠, 🖐, and ❤️. Coming your way every two weeks, I hope you find something good here.
Hi! I celebrated my 32nd birthday on February 16th. I spent it with my family and Niloo (same thing) having dinner at my place. A couple of years ago, I shared a list of 30 things I learned by the time I turned 30. This year, the only thing I have to say is “where does the time go??”, but I’m not ready to be that person yet so I won’t.
Instead, I’ll tell you about a few different things that happened these past weeks! And I will use headings so we can stay nice and organized and I can hold onto an illusion of control in this ever-changing world.
TikTok
I had the very humbling experience of posting my first two TikToks this past week. Because exposure therapy is my preferred way of getting over myself, here is the link to my TikTok account! Both videos are of me reading poems that I like.
What was particularly humbling is publishing the videos knowing that parts of them sucked. And watching them and wanting sooooo bad to do take #457 where maybe finally I don’t do that eyebrow thing and my voice doesn’t fall flat and there isn’t that weird pause in the middle of those two lines. And seeing all those things which make angry chills run down my back and still going, okay, this is gonna go out like this. And people are gonna see it. And that’s you sucking out there.
Then I did it and found out there is literally no consequence and no one cares, and after a day I also don’t care. So I guess I am eating both ends of the humble stick in how much I hate putting out sucky work and also how much it doesn’t matter and is actually probably the best thing I can do to get better. Ugh.
Metal music
I came across a TikTok of a man who writes and sings metal music and who reminded me of an ex-boyfriend. He had the same edge and drama and romance and presence, and it reminded me that my ex had also been a musician in a similar vein. So I wondered if metal music attracted a certain kind of person. And if it attracted a certain kind of person, was I perchance one of them?
I ended up spending a few days in an Instagram and Wikipedia rabbit hole of trying to find what subgenre of metal I liked, and discovered I really like progressive metal! Which bleeds into progressive rock. Honestly I don’t know what the difference is, but here are some songs I’ve loved:
I always had the idea that metal was a lot of screaming and growling and generally a very loud, harsh genre of music whose biggest goal was to make as much noise as possible. Then I found this niche of melodic, poetic songs that are so romantic and powerful.
The music makes me think of a gorgeous man dressed all in black, holding your gaze from across the room. That kind of electric, focused energy. It’s not the young love of pop music, it’s not the defiance of rock, but some weighty immutable thing that won’t let anything stand in its way, and that’s left after everything else is gone.
Emotional books and movies
I always knew I didn’t like romantic movies, but I thought of it in the way that some people don’t like horror movies, or aren’t into animated films. Not everyone is into everything and that’s fine.
Then I realized I also avoid sad movies and books like the plague. Anything emotional, really. If I know it’s sad, I won’t watch it. If it’s anything heavier than a Hallmark romcom, no thank you.
When I watched the first season of Outlander a few years ago, I did it like an addict and it ruined my life for a few days. Last week I finished the second book of ACOTAR (in an effort to keep some of my dignity, I will not include a link to what this is) in one day, and I did it knowing exactly what I was getting into. It’s like the feeling of a panic attack coming on, the same overwhelm and extreme sensitivity that lasts waaaay after the thing is done.
So I realized this is apparently not a normal response and not how most people feel about genres of movies or books they “don’t like”. And it’s made me curious about WTF is up with that. If one of the things I love about metal music is the epic romance of it, why can’t I stand it in movies or books? Why does my face and voice shut down when I read my favourite poems for TikTok? It feels like there’s a lot to explore here.
Which brings us to…
Somatic therapy
I’ve started thinking about going to somatic therapy (a body-centred therapy that looks at the connection between your body and mind). I’ve gone to a “normal” talk therapist steadily for a few years, then on and off for the past few as needed. It’s been good for some things but hasn’t been able to unlock others.
The idea of stress living in your body is very interesting to me. Instead of talking through and intellectually parsing an issue, is there a way to access the emotional core of it indirectly, through your body? What does that look like? What does that feel like?
It’s both a weird and exciting idea to explore. If you have any experience with somatic therapy or similar practices, I’d love to hear about it!
Niloo’s Substack
Niloo started a public writer’s notebook. I love how she describes it as “watching a writer find her voice” and can’t recommend her Substack highly enough. It’s published bi-weekly and has both her creative and non-fiction work. Check it out here!
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Warmly yours,
Nina
Thanks for reading and I'll see you in two weeks! 👋
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Happy birthday you wonderful human being ! 🥳
I found this newsletter raw, insightful, inspiring and funny
Thank you for sharing 🤗
Re: Emotions and body
Around this time a year ago I was working on my splits almost daily for a few months and it felt oddly emotional and cathartic. I looked into it online and I wasn't alone in this experience. There also seemed to be a growing body of research supporting the idea of the hips primarily storing emotions associated to stress.
PS Your TikToks are beautiful
PSS I googled ACOTAR and am literally laughing out loud
PSSS I hope this newsletter finds itself in the inbox of a gorgeous, dressed in all black, metal singer who will recognize you in the audience while they're performing at a show you're attending and hold your gaze from across the room