Hi, I'm Nina Iordanova and this is the 44th edition of Something Good, a newsletter filtered through my 🧠, 🖐, and ❤️. Coming your way every two weeks, I hope you find something good here.
These past few days, it feels like I’ve been living out a memory. Where everything feels sweet because it’s only half-remembered, and sad with the nostalgia of a thing already gone. Like I’m only partially in my life, and the rest of me is just remembering it.
I’ve spent a lot of time crying on my yellow couch this week.
I thought taking a break would be nice because it would let me do the things I liked. Read, bake, exercise, grocery shop. And it has.
But I forgot that it was possible to have feelings stronger than just liking something. To have it hook you in a way that inspires you, that gives you ideas, the visceral pleasure of immersing yourself in something you care about, having it feed on its own energy.
I forgot I could feel like that.
I’ve felt it in bright flashes this week, as I watch Sadhguru videos, as I clean my house, as I read about design. As I look for dutch ovens on Amazon, as I scroll through videos on TikTok. Each one a bright flash of possibility, ideas, potential, hope, desire.
I’m so happy I found the success in my job that I did. Success in the form of money, a fancy title, benefits and fixed working hours. After being an actor and then a startup founder, the only feeling I really knew was the intense drive to figure something out, to make something out of nothing through sheer willpower. But that hunger was exhausting, and it didn’t lead to what I thought it would.
I’m incredibly grateful for the feeling of safety and comfort my job let me experience. I needed it so badly at that time.
But at some point over the past year and a half, I started to pay another cost of slow detachment. And it happened so slowly and the trade off was so enticing that I didn’t even notice. And when I did, I still thought it was worth it.
I think it’s only when you put something down that you realize the true cost of carrying it. And I think that’s what’s made me feel so emotional this whole week. To not just remember or imagine like a thing long dead, but to experience again what it feels like to care about something. To take joy in your own life and the choices you’ve made and the possibilities still in front of you.
I feel so incredibly lucky to be able to a break. I know not many people can. Every day I wake up I feel thankful that I can do so without stressing about how I’ll pay rent next month, and I can truly use this as time off. I don’t ever take that for granted.
Even though I’m just starting my break, I’ve had some ideas of areas I’d like to work in next, or things I’d like to do. I want to share not with the goal of kickstarting something now or figuring out the details, but with the happiness of someone who is excited by what the future might hold.
Coaching! The idea of healing, storytelling, and being a devoted partner in helping someone unblock their personal potential.
Design! Colour, design, and making a place feel like home.
Writing! Exploring the 618 notes I have in my phone and turning them into longer pieces.
Acting! Making a TikTok account to have fun with without any expectations.
Whenever I catch myself preparing for the moment that my sabbatical will have to end, I realize it doesn’t have to. Not really. There’s a future that looks just like life now, padded out with work I want to do and find inspiring.
Maybe it’s stuff from the list above. Maybe it’s new things I haven’t even thought about yet.
It just feels good to remember that there are things in the world that I feel more strongly about than “liking”.
✨
Warmly yours,
Nina
P.S. I found out where my blessed year came from. My grandma sent me a WhatsApp message in Bulgarian on Jan 1, and I think her wishes must have caught. Thanks babo ❤️
Thanks for reading and I'll see you in two weeks! 👋
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